Killer Heat (IMDB)
Killer Heat follows twin brothers who find themselves in a dangerous love triangle on an isolated Greek island. The investigation is given to “The Jealousy Man,” a wounded detective. (IMDB summary)
Killer Heat seems to be aiming at reviving film noir, but comes across as more of a poorly executed parody.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars unconvincingly as Nick Bali, a supposed hardened, wounded private eye. There is nothing in his performance, and very little in the script, to sell that description. His voice-over narration sounds like a drama club table read for their Autumn production. He is generally a reliable performer, so this seems an issue of casting him in the wrong part – and having weak character development.
Shailene Woodley is fine as Penelope Vardakis, the grieving sister-in-law. Again, though, there isn’t much to the character. Whether that is script, direction, or acting? All three? She is believable as the wealthy wife, and in flashbacks to her college days, but Penelope just isn’t interesting and we don’t care why she called in a detective. In the end, we are left unmoved by her tearful revelation
Richard Madden is better as the twins Elias & Leonidas, but he still has little to work with. He is almost comically broody, then randomly “menacing”.
The biggest failing, though, is the lack of mystery in the murder mystery. We know the who & how as soon as we meet the main characters, we know the why about 10 minutes later. The only real remaining questions are;
- why can our detective not solve the mystery since he has seen everything we have?
- why does he involve the local police – and why does that policeman go along?
- why do they keep telling us “the family controls the island” without ever giving us evidence of such or a reason why they or any residents would care?
- why do we have a random, sloppy break in/search for evidence with multiple deaths – and zero repercussions?
- how do they manage to have zero chemistry between any of the characters?
- Why did I waste 97 minutes on this junk?
Then we have a twist ending that we all saw coming about 95 minutes ago, except for one character’s action that is completely against the very little character they gave her earlier in the script. (I don’t want to put a spoiler in here since it was literally the only thing you wouldn’t see coming, but it makes no sense in the larger storyline)
One star for unintentional comedic parts. I would normally give it a higher rating for a beautiful setting, but they really don’t give you much of that….
Killer Heat does involve a killer, but not even a little heat.
Rotten Tomatoes: Critics 12%; Audience 33%
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She Wants Me (2012)
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A neurotic writer working on his new film gets into a tricky situation when an A-list actress shows interest in the role intended for his girlfriend.
This movie was so small, despite having a couple of formerly big name stars (Hillary Duff, Charlie Sheen, Debra Jo Rupp, Wayne Knight…), that it seems no critics felt an inclination to review it. Going by the audience reaction on Rotten Tomatoes, those critics didn’t miss much.
I found it a little more appealing than that, but not much. Fairly disjointed, often absurd. I kept hoping it could become…something. Just when I would start to think it found its footing, up would pop an over-the-top, out of place scene to knock it off.
I wouldn’t recommend going out of your way to see this one, but if it ever shows up on cable late at night, and you are bored or suffering with insomnia, go ahead and give it a viewing.
Rotten Tomatoes: Critics N/A; Audience 41%
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
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Chernobyl Diaries
Six tourists hire an extreme tour guide who takes them to the abandoned city Pripyat, the former home to the workers of the Chernobyl nuclear reactor. During their exploration, they soon discover they are not alone.
The idea could have worked as a tense thriller or campy horror flick, if it had been properly handled. Unfortunately, the version we got is neither. The characters are cliched and flat, the ‘scares’ are of the everything-is-quiet-and-something-jumps-out-BOO variety. It all wraps up in a predictable and unsatisfying end.
Get 1 of 5 only because of Uri, the tour guide, and zombies.
Rotten Tomatoes: Critics 20%; Audience 30%
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Drag Me To Hell (2009)
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Drag Me To Hell
A loan officer who evicts an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse. Desperate, she turns to a seer to try and save her soul, while evil forces work to push her to a breaking point.
Not much to say on this one. What could have been a creepily-fun horror flick is ruined by ridiculous grossness aimed at making the audience nauseous. Gets one on the Word of Mouth Scale because some (mostly teenage boys) are into that sort of thing.
It does well with critics & audience reviewers, so…you may enjoy it.
Rotten Tomatoes: Critics 92%; Users 79%
Happily N’Ever After (2006)
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Happily N’Ever After
Bad.
Bad, bad.
For those who couldn’t get enough of SHREK, HAPPILY N’EVER AFTER supplies a similar take on fairy-tale traditions.
Yeah, right. They wish it had anything in common with Shrek.
It gets one star because you could probably use it to keep your toddler distracted for a few minutes.
Rotten Tomatoes: critics 4%; users 21%;
RV (2006)
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RV
Bob Munro and his dysfunctional family rent an RV for a road trip to the Colorado Rockies, where they ultimately have to contend with a bizarre community of campers.
I just found an old Star Magazine that had a review of RV just before it opened in the theaters. The money quote for me was, “when was the last time Robin Williams was in a movie that was funny?” This one certainly isn’t – if you are over the age of 10.
There were bright spots; Jeff Daniels & Kristin Chenoweth as the bizarre but big hearted Gornicke parents, JoJo as a typical teen, um…I guess that’s about it.
Potty humor and predictable slapstick with good production values.
Rotten Tomatoes: Critics 24%; Audience 59%
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
I had no real plans on seeing this new Pirates movie this year. I didn’t really like the first one that much. I’ll admit, it was good fun, but it just didn’t really do anything for me. It was a little long but kept the action.
The sequel, Dead Man’s Chest, was like a treasure map without directions. It jumped all over the place with no real idea of where it was going. The action sequences were drawn out and pointless. The dialog was weak at best.
I didn’t feel anything for the characters. They seemed dumb with no real feeling or attitude or depth. The acting was sub-par. I think Johnny Depp forgot how he played Jack Sparrow in the first movie as I saw parts of his Hunter Thompson character from Fear and Loathing.
Keira Knightly was just going through the motions. She turned into a better actress than what was portrayed on the screen. I don’t even get Orlando Bloom. What’s this guy’s deal? The kid just can’t act.
The only redeeming quality in this movie was Bill Nighy playing Davy Jones. He’s a great actor anyway and brought a little respectability to the role.
Dead Man’s Chest was extremely long. A good 45 minutes could have been cut out of it. I felt sorry the people sitting around me because I kept yawning and moving around in my seat. It was just really slow and boring.
It’d be best if you stayed away from this movie. Wait for something else to come out. Snakes on a Plane will drop on August 18.
